A daring young man on trapeze
Once tumbled but missed with his knees.
As he flew to the ground
He felt honour-bound
To shout, "Clear the way, if you please."
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.
"How did you find out my address?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.
MR NASH added: "And remember, readers, we couldn't have done it without you. Well, we could have, but it would have taken longer."
* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than two hundred readers.
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY. Current scores -
Dead: 5,989.
Living: 8,137.
The I Don't Remember Buying This. Did I Buy This? I Must Have, I Suppose - There's My Name And Address, And I Know That No One Else In My Street Has A Similar Name. Still, I Can't Remember Buying It, At All. Looks Good Though, And Might Come In Handy. In Fact - Yes - I Can Think Of Exactly The Place For It, Where It'll Help A Lot. Hey, Everyone, Come And See What I Bought! It's Just What We Need! Plus