Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
A daring young man on trapeze
Once tumbled but missed with his knees.
As he flew to the ground
He felt honour-bound
To shout, "Clear the way, if you please."
limerick archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

I walked into a bar the other day - bang! It was an iron bar. I now have severe memory problems and poor control over my right hand.
Banny Fangledraught
Blandford Forum
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
You're sharp and keen,
I'll stop that laugh -
What's twice the half
of two-and-a-half?

Question: Fancy coming out for a drink?
Answer: OK then.
riddle archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"How did you find out my address?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "And remember, readers, we couldn't have done it without you. Well, we could have, but it would have taken longer."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than two hundred readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Acknowledged reluctantly by the contractually obliged noise emitters.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Stan Stanislavski: How I Wrote This Column
A writer prepares.
Talking In Conversation With Joseph Of Montford
A conversational talk with the discoverer of the semicolon.
Also Starring
Grudging acknowledgement of the others appearing in this magazine. (Javascript- only.)
Totween Kemmle: Britain's Voice Of Music- hall
That merry anecdotist of the stages.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
The Face at the Window
Ha ha! It's only me. Hurrah / Bah Now open the airlock.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Kiss-the-Stick.
Played chiefly in: Shepton Mallet.
Objective: Kiss the stick.
Obstacles: Stick rapping face.
Rating: Hilarious.
heritage of games archive
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Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,989.
Living: 8,137.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Diet Fake Synthetic Ersatz Replacement
Mr Big-James
Ligature: The Game Of Pedantic Typography
The Gander Bender
The I Don't Remember Buying This. Did I Buy This? I Must Have, I Suppose - There's My Name And Address, And I Know That No One Else In My Street Has A Similar Name. Still, I Can't Remember Buying It, At All. Looks Good Though, And Might Come In Handy. In Fact - Yes - I Can Think Of Exactly The Place For It, Where It'll Help A Lot. Hey, Everyone, Come And See What I Bought! It's Just What We Need! Plus
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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