Was That Chap a Foreign? The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
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Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: Denied egress from hideout by vigilante mob.

Attitude: Ambitious.

Solution: Take to the rooftops.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

Z.
Zorro
Mexico
letters from the editor archive
The Bill Before the House
Bill to Abolish Slavering Throughout Empire introduced by the Rt Hon Pemlit Atrahay (Lub), Member for Drule.
i. That the foul practice of slavering is a repugno-bombination in GOD'S EYES, and must be ended.
(Abstensions secured by the powerful Honourable East India Napkin Company lobby; bill moves to Lords as part of the debate on spitting on doorsteps.)
the bill before the house archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"How did you find out my address?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "This is a triumph and that is a trumpet. I learned the difference from a book."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than its quota of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Teenage Pepys
My diary, by me. Yay!
Penkethman Remembered
A tribute to the The Weekly founder- editor.
DVD Edition: Mr Bond
A special edition cartoon with commentary.
"Little Wonder" Caustic Atomiser
An animated item of interest to popular ladies.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
A Brisk Walk
Splendid, dignified exercise. Hurrah / Bah Ah! Another town for my plague.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Better yourself
Position: Cartographer.
Responsibilities: Empire! The very word thrills the soul of even the lowliest pauper whose soul is destined to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity. Yet there is much we know not of the farthest flings of Her Gracious Majesty's dominions, and it is in this vacuum of knowledge that a shrewd and ambitious cartographer may yet stamp his mark. A cartographer of hardy constitution, iron nerve and sharpened pencil can contribute much to our understanding of such exotic and ill-explored regions as Scot-land and the Northern Poor-towns. These last frontiers of human endurance must be conquered by the courageous cartographer, irrespective of disease, hardship and weirdly ritualled anthropophagous natives so that one day our bright-eyed, cow-licked school-children may learn as much about these distant climes as they understand of Darkest Africa and the Canadian Wastes.
Remuneration: A piffling stipend of £13 is provided to furnish the initial expeditionary force, but it is understood that the cartographer lives off the land mapped. You are entitled to a generous percentage of any gold and precious ores discovered in the name of Britain, and the opportunity cannot fail to excite of meeting and cataloguing mysterious new peoples; and of the gentleman-cartographer improving their rude shapes with the BRITON'S GENES or the lady-cartographer establishing a fine and profitable seraglio against her retirement.
Risk assessment: Little is riskier than the post of cartographer when much of the world is as wild as the caving-tenements of Bolton or the Border-lands of Wales; but the wise cartographer goes well-armed with machete and Webley (and, indeed, there is much sport to be had in this manner when work is ceased for the day); and is content that all cartographers are immortalised in the name of at least one town, usually the one around which ultimately they are strewn.
Prospects: Scientist; soup; Cartographer of the Cities of Mars when that expedition is launched in the next eight months or so.
better yourself archive
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Current scores -
Dead: 5,968.
Living: 8,048.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Thiz Lookz Uzeful
Fudgie-Budgie - He's So Sweet! (by MR S HOBBS)
Upgrade To The Best Things In Life Plus For Just One Guinea
500 Near-Identical Slivers Of Bark And A Single Matching Pair
Tenors' Tennis
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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