A Knight Knows The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
Mr Wells, in his grand Time Machine
Was smart, young, adventurous and keen.
His unresolved flaw
And arrived back a line 'fore he'd been
Was he'd broken God's law.
limerick archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

A quick trip to my local hospital's magnetic resonance imager in the morning and I know what I have in my pockets all day, more or less.
Arthur Hoatzin
Wren's Nest
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives.
Every wife had seven bags
Every bag had seven cats
Every cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, bags and wives
How many were going to St Ives?

Answer: Everyone, obviously.
riddle archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"Are you quite sure you don't mean theweekly.com?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Is that the honest, stout BRITON'S MILLION or the inflated, gaudy FORMER COLONIAL'S MILLION?"

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than an equivalence of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Wireless Weekly: Mr Churchill's Fiscal Initiative
An archive broadcast of interest to ears.
Radio Porn
A long- overdue retrospective of the career of Helga Melons, radio pornography artiste.
Foxhole
Chin up, it'll all be over by Christmas.
You Damned Interfering Jackanapes
Another baffling case for Inspector Geezer and Constable Aaarghh.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
A Fairy-tale Ending
Your carriage awaits, milady. Hurrah / Bah Well, you're the one casting spells on house- hold vermin, yer fat taffeta majesty.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Better yourself
Position: Resilient Thwarted.
Responsibilities: Success can be measured only by comparison, so between the inspired gentleman-amateur and the callous-palmed mining-child lies the vital task of perpetually thwarted resilience. Unshakeable faith in the powers of glued feathers required; plus cheerful bumbling; and unbrittle bones.
Remuneration: A minimum of £50 per annum in grants from a grateful SCIENCE.
Prospects: None.
better yourself archive
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Current scores -
Dead: 5,973.
Living: 8,062.
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advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
A Cheap Disposable Pen Which Doesn't Run Out Of Ink At Exactly The Moment You Need It: Instead A Powerful Spring Bursts The Plastic Reservoir Out Of The Top Of The Tube And Through Your Cheekbone
The Cost In Human Misery Supermarket Price Gun
Cousin Terrifier 6000
The Bonsai Tree, Tiny Axe And Miniature Sawmill Kit
Scent Of Henry
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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