Beware the Idles' March The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
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Nautical Lingo With Captain Ned
Captain Hold hard, landlubbers!
Ned
Original lingo
captain ned archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

Why are you still working when across the very breadth of the land every beaming fellow not sick abed is warming his glowing reverse fore a Christmas hearth with his employer's blessing slapped heartily against his back? Get you home! There's steaming mead, sugared fruits and Molly and the children giddy to see you unwrap your new pipe. Get you home - and here's tuppence to light the faces of those ragged-trousered carol singers rapping on your door amid the first confetti of snow.
Gunnar Hansen
Shrewsbury
letters from the editor archive
State of the Pound
The pound is hovering around the 50 mark. That's mark as in indication or sigil, not the currency, around which hovering is discouraged by treaty.
state of the pound archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"I love my frog!" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "This is a triumph and that is a trumpet. I learned the difference from a book."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than a handful of unsatisfactory employees and some readers.
Latest features

Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
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To-day's features
"Little Wonder" Caustic Atomiser
An animated item of interest to popular ladies.
Smooth
The Weekly talks to girls.
Falsity For The Artless
A three- step programme of lying.
DVD Edition: Mr Bond
A special edition cartoon with commentary.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
His View of the Gorge
Splendid. Simply breath- taking. Hurrah / Bah And she's still not yet hit the bottom.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Kiss-the-Stick.
Played chiefly in: Shepton Mallet.
Objective: Kiss the stick.
Obstacles: Stick rapping face.
Rating: Hilarious.
heritage of games archive
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Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Nautical Lingo With Captain Ned
Keep your hair on, consarn ye, trail-dude tenderfoot, by gum and Custer's whiskers. Form the wagons into a circle, Mr Grimsdaaale, I'm taking the cannon for a stroll. No, I don't want my hat, the sun's pleasantly hot on my temples. Captain
Ned
Translated lingo
captain ned archive
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,755.
Living: 7,575.
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Advertising-announcement
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Further excellent purchases
Paraphilia Paraphernalia
You Be The Judge! Robes, Wig, Gavel And Certain Legal Powers
Prime Cuts Of Butter
I'm Trapped In My Tomb! 10,000-Slave Escape Kit
Tenors' Tennis
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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