Was That Chap a Foreign? The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
The morally instructive determinings of PROFESSOR THAUMUS PHAMBLEMELL
Is it acceptable?
A CORRESPONDENT WRITES: I am a Minister in the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, and as a result of having continuously to deal with quaint and amusing governing bodies while endeavouring to enhance Britain's interests across the many parts of the globe, my health is suffering; I am afflicted with brain-fever and rapidly approaching nervous collapse. Furthermore, because of my charges' impudent refusal to adopt Greenwich Mean Time, my illogical working hours mean I am deprived of the company of my family to the extent that I am only reasonably sure that I have one. Is it acceptable that my duties to guide these quaint and amusing foreigners should weaken my body and spirit, and isolate me from my loved ones?

PROFESSOR PHAMBLEMELL REPLIES: Certainly not. Clear your desk. Send gunboats.
is it acceptable? archive
Letters From the Editor

Kayak - that's a palindrome. Canoe - that's not. What's that about then?
Graham Sgang
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives.
Every wife had seven bags
Every bag had seven cats
Every cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, bags and wives
How many were going to St Ives?

Answer: Everyone, obviously.
riddle archive
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"How did you find out my address?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "This figure excludes the readership of S1 for some reason, ie I omitted to work it out."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than fifty specially selected readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Hoi Hup La!
A programme of improving exercise for a happier, healthier Britain.
You Damned Interfering Jackanapes
Another baffling case for Inspector Geezer and Constable Aaarghh.
Benign Medicine, Malign Medicine
The official explanatory diagram.
My Album
A photographic record of a refreshing holiday.
feature archive
A Medical Inspection
Your hearing is perfect. Hurrah / Bah But you have cancer. Of the head.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
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I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Kerby-Climb.
Played chiefly in: Kelvedon Hatch.
Objective: Climb kerb.
Obstacles: None, though players must be very small.
Rating: Relatively vertiginous.
heritage of games archive
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Living: 8,046.
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Further excellent purchases
The Football And Stomach Pump
10,000 Piece Louis Mountbatten Action Portrait Jigsaw
The Gander Bender
The Cricket And Window Box
I Am Not My Brother's Keeper Internationally Recognised Criminal Brother Responsibility Exemption Certificate
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.