Play up, fellows! The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
"I must learn," gnawed the earl at his knuckle
"What's 'Mony a mickle maks a muckle'."
He spared no expense
But it still made no sense
So he took to his wife with a buckle.
limerick archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

Production companies, actors, film crews, magazines, video recorders - we have a whole mini-economy based around television. Just imagine if John Logie Baird had invented a kind of heater instead. What a different, though perhaps warmer, world we'd all be living in.
Beryl Doot
Leominster
letters from the editor archive
State of the Pound
The pound is down 2 because of poor handwriting.
state of the pound archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"Are you quite sure you don't mean theweekly.com?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "I'd like to thank all those talented artists we've been waiting for to die."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than a carriage's-worth of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
Search The Weekly
Search
 
Search The Weekly
search science
To-day's features
Smooth
The Weekly talks to girls.
Derek's Day
Wednesday, probably. No, wait - Thursday, as Wednesday was that mix- up at the canteen with the sausage and mash, then the church garrotting.
Telegraph-text
One hundred pages of information and distraction from The Weekly's pioneering telegraph-text service. By the Combine, MR S HOBBS, MR H PATERSON and MR M SULLIVAN. (Javascript- only.)
Can Women Write?
The enduring myth at last debunked.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
Baby's First Portrait
Watch the birdie! Hurrah / Bah Or follow my voice if it's taken both eyes.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Paper-Bounce.
Played chiefly in: Norman's Bay.
Objective: Items of increasing weight are tossed up and caught ten times in a single piece of broadsheet-newspaper held at each corner by a player. Generally, the order of items is: pebble; stone; grass clod; bicycle-horn; milk-pudding; kitten; cat; rock; child; fat child; gas-stove (800-watt microwave oven acceptable); fifth, "dummy" player or player's equivalently sized relative; horse; freestyle.
Obstacles: None but the paper breaking and tangential bruising; this is a team game. Reportedly a game of Paper-Bounce in 1906 using the centre sheet of The Times progressed steadily over four days to introducing a neutron star, which on impact with the paper collapsed through the earth's crust sucking in all players behind it, but two of the five corroborating witnesses were found in 1908 to be in the pay of The Times Shell-Deflecting Waistcoat, Ltd.
Rating: Indicative.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,958.
Living: 8,022.
join the fight
Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Super I-Have-My-Problems
Oh My Giddy Aunt! Sonic Balance Disruptor Gun
The It Seemed Funny At The Time
Tiny Hay-Bales For Your Pocket Pony
Fee-Fie-Fo-Fum Crushed Englishman Home Bakery
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
AUSTERITY - DIGNITY - INDUSTRY