Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Tom Sandwich

Eat at Joe's
tom sandwich archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

I note that sports fans are increasingly painting their faces with the flags of the country they support. This just makes them appear clowns. Particularly so in the case of Japan.
Finley Fatty
Quorum March
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
Little Nancy Etticoat
In her white petticoat
And her red nose.
The longer she stands
The shorter she grows.

Question: Who is Nancy Etticoat?

Answer: She is an old woman with osteoperosis.
riddle archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"A million? I can't believe it. Tell me again. No, I still can't believe it. Put some conviction into it. No, you're fired," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "And remember, readers, we couldn't have done it without you. Well, we could have, but it would have taken longer."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than its quota of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Millington's Face: God Rest Ye, Merry Millington
In which MR MILLINGTON is imperilled.
My Album
A photographic record of a refreshing holiday.
You Damned Interfering Jackanapes
Another baffling case for Inspector Geezer and Constable Aaarghh.
Sports Weekly
A perfect day for a great day of sport.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
The Creeping Disquiet
I am a whimsical fiction. Hurrah / Bah I see you, reader.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Better yourself
Position: Resilient Thwarted.
Responsibilities: Success can be measured only by comparison, so between the inspired gentleman-amateur and the callous-palmed mining-child lies the vital task of perpetually thwarted resilience. Unshakeable faith in the powers of glued feathers required; plus cheerful bumbling; and unbrittle bones.
Remuneration: A minimum of £50 per annum in grants from a grateful SCIENCE.
Prospects: None.
better yourself archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Tom Sandwich

(Batteries)
tom sandwich archive
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,958.
Living: 8,020.
join the fight
Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Auntie Phee's Anti-Matter Flea-Free Anti-Freeze
Tourist Man-Traps
Occasionally Tables
The Beer And Glassing Glass
Squeal Piggy Squeal! Squealing Piggy
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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