The Weekly will return Maintaining Britain's Standards wholly © the weekly science combine Hold hard, landlubbers! Original lingo captain ned archive Sir: Why are you still working when across the very breadth of the land every beaming fellow not sick abed is warming his glowing reverse fore a Christmas hearth with his employer's blessing slapped heartily against his back? Get you home! There's steaming mead, sugared fruits and Molly and the children giddy to see you unwrap your new pipe. Get you home - and here's tuppence to light the faces of those ragged-trousered carol singers rapping on your door amid the first confetti of snow. Gunnar Hansen Shrewsbury letters from the editor archive The pound is hovering around the 50 mark. That's mark as in indication or sigil, not the currency, around which hovering is discouraged by treaty. state of the pound archive The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871. "I love my frog!" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement. MR NASH added: "This is a triumph and that is a trumpet. I learned the difference from a book." * Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than a handful of unsatisfactory employees and some readers. Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance. feature archive search science "Little Wonder" Caustic Atomiser An animated item of interest to popular ladies. Smooth The Weekly talks to girls. Falsity For The Artless A three- step programme of lying. DVD Edition: Mr Bond A special edition cartoon with commentary. feature archive His View of the Gorge Splendid. Simply breath- taking. And she's still not yet hit the bottom. hurrah/bah archive full profile This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom. corner shop Game: Kiss-the-Stick. Played chiefly in: Shepton Mallet. Objective: Kiss the stick. Obstacles: Stick rapping face. Rating: Hilarious. heritage of games archive Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.    Keep your hair on, consarn ye, trail-dude tenderfoot, by gum and Custer's whiskers. Form the wagons into a circle, Mr Grimsdaaale, I'm taking the cannon for a stroll. No, I don't want my hat, the sun's pleasantly hot on my temples. Translated lingo captain ned archive Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY. Current scores - Dead: 5,755. Living: 7,575. join the fight advertising-announcement archive Paraphilia Paraphernalia You Be The Judge! Robes, Wig, Gavel And Certain Legal Powers Prime Cuts Of Butter I'm Trapped In My Tomb! 10,000-Slave Escape Kit Tenors' Tennis further excellent purchases archive Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet. Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.