Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: Interruption by socialists of income from foreign interests.

Attitude: Businesslike.

Solution: Insure concerns handsomely; invent Molly Maguires.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

I work daily with deception, lies and strategical disinformation. However, with all this crossing, double-crossing, triple-crossing, quadruple-crossing and so on, I can't remember - is it the odd or even numbers that are good for me?
Stemmy Matprobe
Buttermere
letters from the editor archive
State of the Pound
The pound is slightly down against the guinea, but slightly up against 239 pennies.
state of the pound archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"This is almost as great a victory for me as killing that man in the boxing ring," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Not known at this address. Return to sender."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than an equivalence of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
Search The Weekly
Search
 
Search The Weekly
search science
To-day's features
Previously In The Weekly
The exciting story so far.
Derek's Day
Wednesday, probably. No, wait - Thursday, as Wednesday was that mix- up at the canteen with the sausage and mash, then the church garrotting.
The "Wizard" Getaway Farthing
It's merely on and away.
A Bit Of A Chat With Constable Dan
Inspiring wisdom to improve all our lives.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
A Boyish Pursuit
Hurrah! Hurray! Wizard! Hurrah / Bah Gosh, it's fun to burn things.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Better yourself
Position: Toppered Maniac.
Responsibilities: A recent attack of plaguey pigeons has resulted in several opportunities in this exciting field, which does not require you to be in a field. The toppered maniac is a bright and merry sight in our city-towns, adding spice to our evenings by appearing briefly in the peripheral vision while racing from rooftop to rooftop, and by sliding down water-spouts, looming unexpectedly from alleyways, and kidnapping people leaving a theatre or crossing a park and chopping them to pieces with an axe. The toppered maniac is expected to provide his own diabolical apparatus of deadly potential, which at the last will either turn on him, fail at a critical moment, or accompany the maniac on a death-plunge through a trapdoor into the deepness of a river. Fewer though similarly rewarding positions are available for bonneted maniacs who must be equally facile with tapping gentlemen on the shoulder playfully with a collapsed fan and baking children into pies, before perishing ultimately in a tinderwick conflagration while crooning heedlessly to a rumpled photograph of a wan, unidentified youth.
Remuneration: The toppered maniac may expect an initial salary of £15 per annum, rising to £17. The bonneted maniac's scale runs from £12 per annum to £16, plus any profit which may be made from the sale of pies.
Prospects: Proprietress of successful pie shop; news-paper headline; formless shadow glimpsed momentarily in a flash of lightning after a boisterous child is snugged abed ten years later by a relentlessly garrulous nurse.
better yourself archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,961.
Living: 8,034.
join the fight
Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Confidence-Building Solo Flight Gift Certificate For Narcoleptics
Look! It's A Building!
Multi-Purpose Crevice
Spare Some Change? Begging Piggy Bank
I, Jerry Desmonde, Will Slay This Horse For You With One Clinically Precise Swing Of My Naily Club
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
AUSTERITY - DIGNITY - INDUSTRY