Play up, fellows! The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
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Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: On entering raised carriage; rising of clothing indicates momentarily possession of ankle.

Attitude: Shamed.

Solution: Become monk.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

Jet-black jets of black despair
Screaming soundless in the air
Why
won't she
acknowledge
Me?
RAF Teen Group Captain in love
Tiverton
letters from the editor archive
The Bill Before the House
Bill to Inspire Fear In the House introduced by the Rt Hon Cregulant Brakey (Undetermined), Member for Hobs End.
i. That my honourable friends are insufficiently fearful of me.
ii. Accordingly, I shall be visiting each Rt Hon Gentleman soon with my gliding gait and populous cloak.
(Cries of "Shame," "Brrrr," and, "Jesus.")
the bill before the house archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"I'd like to thank my staff of seven writers who... check... my spelling and do nothing else," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Set against such a number, the life of one person seems insignificant. Or, indeed, the lives of all the people on that train. History will judge me."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than an equivalence of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
I've Lived Here All My Life
Motorist, you have chosen wisely.
This Is Kinema Weekly
A programme of continuous entertainment.
Millington's Face: God Rest Ye, Merry Millington
In which MR MILLINGTON is imperilled.
Wireless Weekly: Mr Churchill's Fiscal Initiative
An archive broadcast of interest to ears.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
The Governor's Dinner
I must leave: I've an execu- tion to stop. Hurrah / Bah Ooo, flan.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Sneerbucket.
Played chiefly in: Veryan.
Objective: Wilfully ignore the achievements of a bucket and instead decry and belittle it until the bucket cries. If more than one player takes part, all players sneer at once, attempting to smother their opponents by volume.
Obstacles: The chilly realisation years later that the bucket is still better than you.
Rating: Enduring.
heritage of games archive
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Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
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Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,958.
Living: 8,023.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Lionel Stander Presents His Famous Three-Step Programme To Impersonating Lionel Stander
Musical Bones Shin Resonator
The Unfulfilling Rager
Child Safe
Empty Spaces Not Quite Big Enough For The Intended Piece Of Furniture
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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