The Weekly will return Maintaining Britain's Standards wholly © the weekly science combine Situation: Duelling; suddenly realising the absurdity of the disagreement; considering the fragile mortality of your opponent; noticing he has discharged his pistol harmlessly into the soil. Attitude: Comparably honourable. Solution: Discharge your pistol harmlessly into the air. etiquette archive Sir: I feel I must address those of your readers who have written to me complaining about the situation this winter. The present state of affairs is because of seasonal factors that applied equally; indeed, more so; under my predecessor. Believe me, the situation is being looked into with all possible speed, and I can assure you that things will be very different by next summer. As early as April we can expect to see hard, erect nipples pushing out against tight, white linen blouses, and by the end of the next quarter there will be a return to cotton skirts, tented by seated knees, leading bare legs up to a glimpse of tiny, creviced panties; loose-necked tops ill-shielding their captive breasts amid the everyday crouches and twists of a shop assistant's toil; towels flapping and slipping over awkward bathing suit changes on myriad beaches; and all-over tans sought on the sweating grass of back gardens that are overlooked from the bedroom windows of nearby houses. I hope that this allays some fears. The Minister of Fiscal Economics Whitehall letters from the editor archive The pound is quite embarrassed about the state of itself and resolves to pull up its socks and ask about that job in the library first thing tomorrow morning. state of the pound archive The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871. "STOP STARING AT ME," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement. MR NASH added: "Naysayers begone! This magnificent figures fully justifies my unwavering faith in pressing Reload 898,997 times." * Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than fifty specially selected readers. The Adventures of Sexton Blake The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.) blake archive Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance. feature archive search science Millington's Face: Splendour Of The Deep In which MR MILLINGTON takes his face underwater, intending to keep it safely dry. Millington's Face: Road Movee in a Coach Stylee In which MR MILLINGTON undertakes an epic journey. Stan Stanislavski: How I Wrote This Column A writer prepares. Murder and Prison It's happened a million times to a million people. feature archive The Creeping Disquiet I am a whimsical fiction. I see you, reader. hurrah/bah archive full profile This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom. corner shop Game: Big Badger. Played chiefly in: Clitheroe. Objective: Kick balloon out of rowing-boat set adrift on foamy canal at dusk. Obstacles: Must have exactly seventeen players. Rating: Vicious. heritage of games archive Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.    Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY. Current scores - Dead: 5,891. Living: 7,877. join the fight advertising-announcement archive Heaven's Above! Vertical Compass The Magnificent Jape Custer's Hat Stand Word-Swallowing For Provincials Help Me, Val Doonican! further excellent purchases archive Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet. Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.