Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: Adrift in an open lifeboat under the pounding Pacific sun.

Attitude: Sensible.

Solution: Undo the top button of your collar on the fifth day.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

Kayak - that's a palindrome. Canoe - that's not. What's that about then?
Graham Sgang
Rhyddhywel
letters from the editor archive
The Bill Before the House
Bill to Expand the Voting Base of the BRITON'S DEMOCRACY introduced by the Rt Hon Teabun Manly (Soc), Member for Bootle.
i. That the measure of democracy is in the extension of suffrage.
ii. Accordingly, to extend the vote to landed gentry aged 31 and over who earn less than £15,001 per annum.
(Defeated unanimously; the Rt Hon Gentleman symbolically horse-whipped by Her Gracious Majesty the full height of the House steps.)
the bill before the house archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"Christ! What was that?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "I'm cold. Please drape a cloth over my knobbly ditch."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than a carriage's-worth of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
The "Wizard" Getaway Farthing
It's merely on and away.
You Are The Spy
Participate in a spy story.

An exact copy of the electro-mechanical simulation of Britain's weathers built by science for the Met Office.
I Am The Librarian
An introduction to your community library.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
Beep, Beep
Well driven, Mr Perkins. Hurrah / Bah Back up, he's still moving.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
By MR H PATERSON

Game: Homing-Pickles
Played chiefly in: Umberleigh.
Objective: It is the silent midnight redundancy of a closed-down school playground and each player must stand still, eyes rendered useless by satin blindfolds, in the spaces marked out on the hopscotch board. The inside pockets of their long flapping black cloaks are stuffed, ritualistically, with fresh pickles. The players must make it home via any means at their disposal, but mostly by running really fast. After a count of up to twelve, a pack of suitably incensed hounds is unleashed after its prey. The drooling beasts have been cruelly starved of pickles for more than four weeks. The hounds will rend and tear in an unstoppable flurry of teeth and woofs in order to reach the tart bounty.
Obstacles: The dark mist-filled streets, riddled with surprise cats and lone drunks rambling about their shoes. The cats will not have shoes. Milkmen.
Rating: Invigorating.
heritage of games archive
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Current scores -
Dead: 5,958.
Living: 8,022.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
The Get Away From My Pennies Railway-Spike
I've Got A Backpack
Cripplin' Painz
No-Angst Teen Palpitation Inducer Implant
Zznakezz!
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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