A Knight Knows The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
When the Trump sounds, will you and yours say
"Thank heavens! At last, Judgment Day!"
Or, "Hang on a spot - I can't find my sock"?
Arrange for a spare; don't delay.
limerick archive
Letters From the Editor

Phthisis - now there's something that's hard to say if you have it.
K Vandalism
Bicton Heath
letters from the editor archive
State of the Pound
The pound is up 11 against the meaningless neutrality of hating everything.
state of the pound archive
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"I love my frog!" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Is that the honest, stout BRITON'S MILLION or the inflated, gaudy FORMER COLONIAL'S MILLION?"

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than two hundred readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
Search The Weekly
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To-day's features
Pornography Of The Gods
That raunchy Zeus - he just doesn't know what he's going to do next. You'll never look at a king of the gods in the same way again!
Hope it's Henderson's
Hoi Hup La!
A programme of improving exercise for a happier, healthier Britain.
10,000 Years Of The Weekly
Can it really be ten thousand years since The Weekly began publication? Yes it can. The event is celebrated appropriately.
feature archive
Contemplating the Heavens
This spy- glass reveals each detail of the Lord's magnif- icent majesty. Hurrah / Bah Though perhaps my starting at noon was a mistake.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Pinch-Me Punch-You.
Played chiefly in: Bude.
Objective: A hide-and-seek variation; if the "Pinch-Me" or "Punch-You" players are found, seeker must run back to cree first and shout "No hands, no hands" to avoid physical penalty of pinching or punching.
Obstacles: Burning petrol sprayed from circling helicopter.
Rating: Rough.
heritage of games archive
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Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,961.
Living: 8,031.
join the fight
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Dead Man's Chest Linctus
The Swan Whistle
This Looks Like A Job For... Upliftingly Declaimed Temp Agency Phone Calls
Bunky Beds
Exciting Vehicles To Cheer You Up Following Personal Disaster, Including The Muggee Buggy, The Random Beating Heated Tandem, The Parasuicide Paraglide And The Fallen Too Far Brand-New Car
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.