Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
UNACCUSTOMED AS I AM TO PUBLIC SPEAKING
Wa-a-ubble whunk bloop

I hold in my hand a piece of paper... Am I on the newsreels? Hello, Bob! Whooo! I'm on the newsreels, me

This is the BBC, and I'm drunk

Hands up, and no one will get hurt
Smooth
Hi. Hi, there. Phew! The place is crazy, isn't it? Um? That's right - that's right - that's exactly what I meant - it's okay. Okay-crazy. Sort of whooo! but not so much. Yeah. Crazy. In fact, it's just crazy how many "okay" places there are about now, yeah? "Okay" - "okay" - boom - "okay" again. Think somebody'd do something, don't you?

I'm Andy by the way.

Haha.

Sooooooo... What's your name? Sally? Cool - there's a woman at work called Sally, don't suppose you're, no, no, that's surnames isn't it? Still.

Haha.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey - what am I thinking - would you like a drink? Oh right, I see now, yes. Your arm was obscuring it. Or hiding it - secret drinker, eh? Joke.

Haha.

Oh god, I love this one - it's by that band, isn't it? Dum-de-dum-dum-deeeee... The one with the singer. Yeah, I'll definitely be buying this one.

Um.

" Wow cool wow bet by "
So. Here we are, eh? "I'm a man, you're a woman..." Erm, you are a woman, aren't you? Hey, no, that's... It's just I've been caught like that before. So... I'm Andy, I... Still? Oh, right, I get it - still - nice one. Yeah. Good one... So what do you do then? When you're not here, I mean. Checkout? At what, Sainsbury's or... Woolworths? Cool. Cool. That must be interesting, you know, meeting all those different people. Yeah... yeah. How many? Sorry, I mean how many different people a day? How many different people would you say you meet in a day? Oh, go on. Go on. Guess. No, I'm interested. Guess. Really? Wow. Cool. Wow. Bet by the end of the day you don't want to meet any any more new people at all, do you? Sorry? Oh, haha, yeah. Nice one.

So...

Hey, I like that necklace, what is that? Cross - cool. It's very unusual. Well no, not unusual in that sense, no. I meant that not as many people wear them nowadays because... well, they might be Jews. Say. Don't see many Jews wearing crosses, do you? Not that that's, I mean, that's fine, I'm not, you know... Mike! Yeah! Cashyalataguy! Yeah, that's Mike, friend of mine, see him here every week. Think his name's Mike anyway.

Yeah, listen, do you think you could introduce me to your friend? What? No, yeah, yeah, I see, yeah. Stick with what I've got, eh? Eh? Haha! No, no, I didn't mean... I mean, yeah, yeah, there's, you know, are you sure I can't get you a drink? Oh right, I see it now, still there, isn't it? Yep, there it is all right.
THE ERROR ALWAYS MADE
Raising a long steel battering weapon triumphantly above the prone body of the dazed hero on top of the lighthouse while lightning cracks about

Setting defusable bombs

"No. Killing you would be too easy"

Cowboy builders

Legs akimbo, offend heroine
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