Dare to Poke God's Eye The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
This feature is concluded.
Ladies! Beware of the chap
Who entreats you to sit on his lap.
It may seem quite gay
In the style of the day
But it ends with you both in a flap.
Mr Wells, in his grand Time Machine
Was smart, young, adventurous and keen.
His unresolved flaw
And arrived back a line 'fore he'd been
Was he'd broken God's law.
"I must learn," gnawed the earl at his knuckle
"What's 'Mony a mickle maks a muckle'."
He spared no expense
But it still made no sense
So he took to his wife with a buckle.
Young Polly, improving herself,
Read every book on the shelf.
And now, as you'd think
She's wise, rich and drinks
And is sure she's a level four elf.
Escaping by rooftop, McCall
Swore arrogant vengeance on all.
But lions, ornamental,
Caught his foot in their dentals
And Pride, as is known, precedes Fall.
When the Trump sounds, will you and yours say
"Thank heavens! At last, Judgment Day!"
Or, "Hang on a spot - I can't find my sock"?
Arrange for a spare; don't delay.
A daring young man on trapeze
Once tumbled but missed with his knees.
As he flew to the ground
He felt honour-bound
To shout, "Clear the way, if you please."
A lady of quality, Rose,
Whose sweetness emboldens her foes
Receives at her place
Those who plot her disgrace
And nobody knows where they goes.
A gentleman suffering from blackouts
Was f

                    th for you!"
Said that gentleman suffering from blackouts.
Lost hunting for tigers, Lord Booth
Discovered the Fountain of Youth,
El Dorado, the Incas,
Atlantis, robed thinkers
And sixty-five women named Ruth.
1. This monkey's paw? Miss, stay your purse
For the novelty comes with a curse:
Whatever you wish
Tends to turn to a bish
And your better becomes quite your worse.

2. But she pooh-poohed the gent as a wimp:
Bared her soul to the segment of chimp:
Now awaits, in her room,
Inescapable doom
At the hand of an ape with a limp.
Laudanum! Let me drink deep
Of the haamaarimaaarimaaaa
Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Uuuuuuuummmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm.
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