Play up, fellows! The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: Duelling; suddenly realising the absurdity of the disagreement; considering the fragile mortality of your opponent.

Attitude: Honourable.

Solution: Discharge your pistol harmlessly into the soil.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor
By MR H PATERSON

Sir:

I could eat a horse. Does anyone have a horse?
BB Benson-Benson
Openshaw
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
Little Nancy Etticoat
In her white petticoat
And her red nose.
The longer she stands
The shorter she grows.

Question: Who is Nancy Etticoat?

Answer: She is an old woman with osteoperosis.
riddle archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"What foresight to have introduced a charge of 1p per page when the magazine began," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "And remember, readers, we couldn't have done it without you. Well, we could have, but it would have taken longer."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than a carriage's-worth of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Terror Of Doctor X Returns Back
An exciting photo- story.

An authentic reproduction board game, banned for 150 years for its dangerous, excoriatingly satirical content.
Cookery Corridor
Another smashing recipe from Mrs Beefy. Today - baboon.
10,000 Years Of The Weekly
Can it really be ten thousand years since The Weekly began publication? Yes it can. The event is celebrated appropriately.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
The Motorcyclists
Your go next, Stiggins. Hurrah / Bah Let's play Lawr- ence of Arabia.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Burgle-my-Neighbour.
Played chiefly in: Wolverhampton.
Objective: Material gain.
Obstacles: Man-traps.
Rating: Vapid.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,979.
Living: 8,109.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Soul Unclogger 7000
The Swords Of A Thousand Men
Widely Grinning Frank Muir Novelty Shower Head
Derek Nimmo's Holy Scissors
More Desirable Versions Of Existing Things
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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