Situation: At dinner; MR C LEE accidentally stabbed to death by MR P CUSHING during the fish course; MR C LEE disintegrates.
Solution: Gather MR C LEE in a napkin and have a servant reconstitute the ashes in the library with a little fresh blood and a replacement dinner suit. A trusted butler needs no supervision in this matter; therefore there need be no troublesome interruption in conversation. If this is a winter party, remember to divide the guests deftly into two groups for any subsequent games, in order to keep MR C LEE away from MR A KEIR during the ice-skating.
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY. Current scores -