Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: Duelling; having both realised the absurdity of the disagreement; the fragile mortality of one's opponent considered; pistols discharged harmlessly into soil and air.

Attitude: Gentlemanly.

Solution: Clap each other across the shoulders, laughing heartily. Exchange copies of Etiquette Of Common Situations by Mrs Bookery; continue to laugh heartily, swearing friendship and beckoning in seconds until the entire duelling party is shaking hands and laughing heartily to the point where an imaginary observer might reasonably be expected to have withdrawn from the scene; go home for a large breakfast.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

Hey hey, we're the Monkees.
The Monkees
Abroad
letters from the editor archive
The Bill Before the House
Bill to Inspire Fear In the House introduced by the Rt Hon Cregulant Brakey (Undetermined), Member for Hobs End.
i. That my honourable friends are insufficiently fearful of me.
ii. Accordingly, I shall be visiting each Rt Hon Gentleman soon with my gliding gait and populous cloak.
(Cries of "Shame," "Brrrr," and, "Jesus.")
the bill before the house archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"STOP STARING AT ME," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "I'd like to thank the sun's life-giving rays."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than fifty specially selected readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Foxhole
Chin up, it'll all be over by Christmas.
Can Women Write?
The enduring myth at last debunked.
The "Wizard" Getaway Farthing
It's merely on and away.
Pornography Of The Gods
That raunchy Zeus - he just doesn't know what he's going to do next. You'll never look at a king of the gods in the same way again!
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
The Creeping Disquiet
I am a whimsical fiction. Hurrah / Bah I see you, reader.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Botherball.
Played chiefly in: Bala.
Objective: Iron nerves and an inviolate lackadaisicality are the keys to Botherball, in which balls of increasing size from marbles to bowling-balls are flung at players from a steam-catapault; the winner is the last who can be bothered to move out of the way.
Obstacles: The struggled-for acceptance of peers; the remarkable fragility of unset bones.
Rating: Character-building.
heritage of games archive
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Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
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Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,974.
Living: 8,074.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Tastes Like Jam
Thiz Lookz Uzeful
Billy Dainty's Doorbell Supreme
The Swords Of A Thousand Men
Help Me, Val Doonican!
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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