Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: At dinner; MR C LEE accidentally stabbed to death by MR P CUSHING during the fish course; MR C LEE disintegrates.

Attitude: Prepared.

Solution: Gather MR C LEE in a napkin and have a servant reconstitute the ashes in the library with a little fresh blood and a replacement dinner suit. A trusted butler needs no supervision in this matter; therefore there need be no troublesome interruption in conversation. If this is a winter party, remember to divide the guests deftly into two groups for any subsequent games, in order to keep MR C LEE away from MR A KEIR during the ice-skating.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor

Incidentally, it was a wrong number, in case you were wondering.
Lithotrity Fowlds
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
Thirty white horses
On a red hill.
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.

Question: What are they?

Answer: They are geldings.
riddle archive
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"STOP STARING AT ME," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Crude quantities do not concern me. Unlike crude foreign lithographs."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than fifty specially selected readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Acknowledged reluctantly by the contractually obliged noise emitters.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
Search The Weekly
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To-day's features

An authentic reproduction board game, banned for 150 years for its dangerous, excoriatingly satirical content.
The Buccaneer
A stirring tale of one lad's adventures in the time of pirates and some other pirates.
Earth Focus
Science looks to the world of tomorrow.
Also Starring
Grudging acknowledgement of the others appearing in this magazine. (Javascript- only.)
feature archive
The Memento
A perma- nent reminder of my dear one. Hurrah / Bah Ugh.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Stab-me-the-Bishop.
Played chiefly in: Luss.
Objective: Undulate your pseudopods.
Obstacles: "Bishop Stab-me" and his Khyber knife.
Rating: Delightful.
heritage of games archive
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Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,981.
Living: 8,118.
join the fight
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
The "Mr Smith"
Diet Brine
Look At Me Do! Attention-Attracting Head Carousel With Brightly Dyed Hamsters Whirling On Bits Of String
Can A Man Truly Be Dead Who Is Remembered By His Friends? Professional Man's-Friends-Killing Stick
Don't Move! I'm Not Moving! Not You! Armed Robbery Mood-Lightening Misunderstander
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.