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Situation: In court; commanded to plead Guilty or Not Guilty.
Attitude: Imperious.
Solution: Draw oneself to full height; decline to dignify clerk with acknowledgement by fixing penetrating gaze on stationary object; reply British. |
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Bill to Outlaw Beastly Nastiness introduced by the Rt Hon Melgeret Melmehaugh, Member for Miller's Dale.
i. That the ills of the world are caused solely by ozard frightfulness and ghastly odium.
ii. Accordingly, hideous awfulness itself ought to be proscribed; this abolition to be enforced by rosily cheerful constable-bobbies with pastel cudgels and priestly javelins.
(Second reading.) |
| the bill before the house archive |
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The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.
"Christ! What was that?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.
MR NASH added: "I love my frog!"
* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than two hundred readers. |
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Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance. |
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| This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom. |
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Game: Appease the Hideous Man-Beast.
Played chiefly in: Ebury Hill.
Objective: Players attempt, in turn, to knock a marble out of the ring by shooting their tolley. A succeeding player may take another shot; but if no marble is knocked out, and the tolley remains in the ring, another player may attempt to knock that tolley out and thus eliminate the first shooter. Shooting must be performed strictly according to the rules of "knuckling down."
Obstacles: The distraction afforded by the noise from next door's game of Marbles.
Rating: Accurate. |
| heritage of games archive |
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| Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety. |
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