Beware the Idles' March The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: In court; commanded to plead Guilty or Not Guilty.

Attitude: Imperious.

Solution: Draw oneself to full height; decline to dignify clerk with acknowledgement by fixing penetrating gaze on stationary object; reply British.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor

Whoever on this page is blocking my driveway, please move your car now. I have an appointment.
Lionel Bidnape
letters from the editor archive
The Bill Before the House
Bill to Outlaw Beastly Nastiness introduced by the Rt Hon Melgeret Melmehaugh, Member for Miller's Dale.
i. That the ills of the world are caused solely by ozard frightfulness and ghastly odium.
ii. Accordingly, hideous awfulness itself ought to be proscribed; this abolition to be enforced by rosily cheerful constable-bobbies with pastel cudgels and priestly javelins.
(Second reading.)
the bill before the house archive
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"Christ! What was that?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "I love my frog!"

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than two hundred readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
Search The Weekly
Search The Weekly
search science
To-day's features
This Is Kinema Weekly
A programme of continuous entertainment.
Millington's Face: I Am Going To Die
In which MR MILLINGTON ends his life on the ocean wave.
Wireless Weekly: The Indiscretion Of Mr Roosevelt
A shameful broadcast of interest to ears.
Cookery Corridor
Another smashing recipe from Mrs Beefy. Today - baboon.
feature archive
The Flying Tramp
"Up, up and away!"
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Appease the Hideous Man-Beast.
Played chiefly in: Ebury Hill.
Objective: Players attempt, in turn, to knock a marble out of the ring by shooting their tolley. A succeeding player may take another shot; but if no marble is knocked out, and the tolley remains in the ring, another player may attempt to knock that tolley out and thus eliminate the first shooter. Shooting must be performed strictly according to the rules of "knuckling down."
Obstacles: The distraction afforded by the noise from next door's game of Marbles.
Rating: Accurate.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,974.
Living: 8,077.
join the fight
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
I'm On Fire! Power Matches
The Tuning And Salad Fork
Multi-Purpose Crevice
Nonny Nonny Hay
Heaven's Above! Vertical Compass
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.