Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
Escaping by rooftop, McCall
Swore arrogant vengeance on all.
But lions, ornamental,
Caught his foot in their dentals
And Pride, as is known, precedes Fall.
limerick archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy! However, I am informed the choice is not mine to make.
D Moquelly
Ward C
letters from the editor archive
The Bill Before the House
Bill to Outlaw Beastly Nastiness introduced by the Rt Hon Melgeret Melmehaugh, Member for Miller's Dale.
i. That the ills of the world are caused solely by ozard frightfulness and ghastly odium.
ii. Accordingly, hideous awfulness itself ought to be proscribed; this abolition to be enforced by rosily cheerful constable-bobbies with pastel cudgels and priestly javelins.
(Second reading.)
the bill before the house archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"Are you quite sure you don't mean theweekly.com?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Gosh. And many of those people are now likely dead."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than a handful of unsatisfactory employees and some readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Acknowledged reluctantly by the contractually obliged noise emitters.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Information For Candidates
The official examination timetable.
Sports Weekly
A perfect day for a great day of sport.
Cookery Corridor
Another smashing recipe from Mrs Beefy. Today - baboon.
Derek's Day
Wednesday, probably. No, wait - Thursday, as Wednesday was that mix- up at the canteen with the sausage and mash, then the church garrotting.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
The Flying Tramp
Hurrah/Bah
"Up, up and away!"
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Letter-Bomb!
Played chiefly in: Lauder.
Objective: Discover players' secret letters by asking questions: players cannot use their letter in answers.
Obstacles: Tied to bomb.
Rating: Tense.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,989.
Living: 8,137.
join the fight
Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
The Maniac Butler
The Gander Bender
Pedestrian Gears
Finger Nail Remover
Elongated Caricature Broom Handles
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
AUSTERITY - DIGNITY - INDUSTRY