The Weekly will return Maintaining Britain's Standards wholly © the weekly science combine The morally instructive determinings of PROFESSOR THAUMUS PHAMBLEMELL A CORRESPONDENT WRITES: I am secretly arranging a pleasant afternoon's picnic in a sunny meadow with A Gentleman. I am unable to secure cucumbers on account of a death in a family. Is it acceptable to substitute a cucumber with a love-apple? PROFESSOR PHAMBLEMELL REPLIES: I was under the impression I had told you never to write to me at my place of work. is it acceptable? archive Sir: I am not an elephant, I am a free man. John Merrick The Village letters from the editor archive The pound is down 98 against biting with a fractured tooth into a twist of lemon. state of the pound archive The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871. "I love my frog!" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement. MR NASH added: "Have you told MR MILLINGTON yet? He's staying in his private county." * Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than an equivalence of readers. The Adventures of Sexton Blake The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Acknowledged reluctantly by the contractually obliged noise emitters.) blake archive Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance. feature archive search science Wireless Weekly: Flight 317 to San Francisco An education broadcast of interest to ears. Featuring Music- hall's Mrs Susan George. Foxhole Chin up, it'll all be over by Christmas. Performance Artist My art is not for your narrow labels. My art is free and wide and labelled, "No label." Derek's Day Wednesday, probably. No, wait - Thursday, as Wednesday was that mix- up at the canteen with the sausage and mash, then the church garrotting. feature archive Dear Old Cook 'Tis the baby's favourite, m'm. Pop him in. hurrah/bah archive full profile This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom. corner shop Game: Pinch-Me Punch-You. Played chiefly in: Bude. Objective: A hide-and-seek variation; if the "Pinch-Me" or "Punch-You" players are found, seeker must run back to cree first and shout "No hands, no hands" to avoid physical penalty of pinching or punching. Obstacles: Burning petrol sprayed from circling helicopter. Rating: Rough. heritage of games archive Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.    Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY. Current scores - Dead: 5,979. Living: 8,109. join the fight advertising-announcement archive 500 Near-Identical Slivers Of Bark And A Single Matching Pair Other People's Post The Atlantic (Gravitational Pull Of The Moon Not Included) Strokealike! Muscle Slackener That Flue-Widening Gizmo! Also Widens Trouser Waistbands, Uncomfortable Shoes, Unsatisfactorily Narrow Fruits And Your Baby Brother's Knowledge If You Put It In His Mouth On Setting Eight. Go On, Put It In His Mouth. No One's Looking. Go On - It's Perfectly Safe, We Wouldn't Tell You To If It Weren't. Gooooo On. Wait, Someone's Coming. Down, Put It Down. Pick Up That Book, That's Right. Any Page Will Do. Hello! Phew, They Didn't Suspect A Thing. Oh No - They've Taken Your Baby Brother For His Bath. Well, We'll Just Wait For Another Chance Deluxe further excellent purchases archive Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet. Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.