Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
A gentleman suffering from blackouts
Was f

                    th for you!"
Said that gentleman suffering from blackouts.
limerick archive
Letters From the Editor

I am a veteran accountant of John Company, from the time when subjugating a continent meant something. Some years ago, while working for a minister, I was struck across the head with a heavy, brass ash-tray. Since that time, I have found myself striking people across the head with heavy, brass ash-trays on numerous occasions. Then, yesterday, I came home from Derby and discovered my son striking one of his school-friends across the head with a heavy, brass ash-tray. In the name of God, what can society do to break the chain?
J Yoicks
Littleton Badsey
letters from the editor archive
State of the Pound
The pound is up three-and-a-half against a waste-paper basket stuffed with burning documents detailing an experiment the world is not yet ready to understand.
state of the pound archive
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"You've reached the home of Mil Millington. I'm not in at the moment because I'm attending a fabulously glamorous book launch party in the nude, but leave a message and I'll have my personal assistant get back to you in the nude," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Set against such a number, the life of one person seems insignificant. Or, indeed, the lives of all the people on that train. History will judge me."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than nineteen, perhaps thirty or sixty-six readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Acknowledged reluctantly by the contractually obliged noise emitters.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
Search The Weekly
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To-day's features
Previously In The Weekly
The exciting story so far.
Walking With Oswald
A stroll in the scenic footsteps of the King of Northumbria.
Millington's Face: Splendour Of The Deep
In which MR MILLINGTON takes his face underwater, intending to keep it safely dry.
Millington's Face: Road Movee in a Coach Stylee
In which MR MILLINGTON undertakes an epic journey.
feature archive
70... 80... 92mph
"Well, this is going to end badly."
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Big Badger.
Played chiefly in: Clitheroe.
Objective: Kick balloon out of rowing-boat set adrift on foamy canal at dusk.
Obstacles: Must have exactly seventeen players.
Rating: Vicious.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,982.
Living: 8,121.
join the fight
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
The "Mr Smith"
Clockwork Tenors
Gravy Pops
The Fake Clock
Traditional Pâté De Campagne With Cognac - Just Like Mama Used To Order
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.