The Weekly will return Maintaining Britain's Standards wholly © the weekly science combine Situation: Duelling; suddenly realising the absurdity of the disagreement; considering the fragile mortality of your opponent. Attitude: Honourable. Solution: Discharge your pistol harmlessly into the soil. etiquette archive By MR H PATERSON Sir: I could eat a horse. Does anyone have a horse? BB Benson-Benson Openshaw letters from the editor archive I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots? Little Nancy Etticoat In her white petticoat And her red nose. The longer she stands The shorter she grows. Question: Who is Nancy Etticoat? Answer: She is an old woman with osteoperosis. riddle archive The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871. "What foresight to have introduced a charge of 1p per page when the magazine began," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement. MR NASH added: "And remember, readers, we couldn't have done it without you. Well, we could have, but it would have taken longer." * Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than a carriage's-worth of readers. The Adventures of Sexton Blake The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.) blake archive Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance. feature archive search science Terror Of Doctor X Returns Back An exciting photo- story. An authentic reproduction board game, banned for 150 years for its dangerous, excoriatingly satirical content. Cookery Corridor Another smashing recipe from Mrs Beefy. Today - baboon. 10,000 Years Of The Weekly Can it really be ten thousand years since The Weekly began publication? Yes it can. The event is celebrated appropriately. feature archive The Motorcyclists Your go next, Stiggins. Let's play Lawr- ence of Arabia. hurrah/bah archive full profile This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom. corner shop Game: Burgle-my-Neighbour. Played chiefly in: Wolverhampton. Objective: Material gain. Obstacles: Man-traps. Rating: Vapid. heritage of games archive Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.    Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY. Current scores - Dead: 5,979. Living: 8,109. join the fight advertising-announcement archive Soul Unclogger 7000 The Swords Of A Thousand Men Widely Grinning Frank Muir Novelty Shower Head Derek Nimmo's Holy Scissors More Desirable Versions Of Existing Things further excellent purchases archive Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet. Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.