A Knight Knows The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
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Tom Sandwich

Q. How do you make a bear cross?
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Letters From the Editor
By MR H PATERSON

Sir:

Finding ourselves trapped high on the tiny ledge, a hammering gale almost forcing us off into a dark icy death-fall, we decided to make the only sacrifice sufficient to save our frail human lives. We jettisoned the donkeys, and watched them vanish into donkey dots against the angry, blasting snow. It was only later, when we attained our objective, the Lost City of the Donkey King and his savage tribe of Warrior Donkeys, that we began to consider the rashness of our act.
Lord Liquoricy
Maundy Ho
letters from the editor archive
State of the Pound
The pound is up 4.01 against a rolling peal of the church bell, announcing Sunday service, or possibly an invasion. Better take your bayonet to be on the safe side.
state of the pound archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"What? What? You'll have to speak up, I'm in a helicopter. The which? I thought I'd sold my shares in that months ago to finance my laundry," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "I'd like to divide the readership down the middle and have each half sing along with one of the Combine."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than an equivalence of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Hoi Hup La!
A programme of improving exercise for a happier, healthier Britain.
Wireless Weekly: The Indiscretion Of Mr Roosevelt
A shameful broadcast of interest to ears.
Falsity For The Artless
A three- step programme of lying.
This Is Kinema Weekly
A programme of continuous entertainment.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
A Brisk Walk
Splendid, dignified exercise. Hurrah / Bah Ah! Another town for my plague.
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Jelly Jelly.
Played chiefly in: Graffham.
Objective: Flip tin can by laundry-pole into goose's eye.
Obstacles: Goose on train.
Rating: Freudian.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Tom Sandwich

A. Nail two bears together
tom sandwich archive
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,974.
Living: 8,079.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Japanese Schoolgirl Milk
No-Angst Teen Palpitation Inducer Implant
Magnified Qualms
Chequered Pasts
More Desirable Versions Of Existing Things
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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