Play up, fellows! The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Mrs Bookery's Etiquette of Common Situations
Situation: After lingering illness, consciousness regained; buried alive, as you always feared one day would happen.

Attitude: Vindicated.

Solution: Escape by pressing a lever.
etiquette archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

Couldn't - hang on, the phone's ringing.
Lithotrity Fowlds
Dungeoness
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
Jade plate
Six, eight.
Fire that burns hot
Night that is not.
Fire that burns cold
First silver then gold.

Question: Where does this point?
Answer: It points to my house. There it is, over there. Look, everybody - I can see my house from here.
riddle archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"Christ! What was that?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Scrape your flue, mister?"

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than its quota of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
Cookery Corridor
Another smashing recipe from Mrs Beefy. Today - baboon.
Millington's Face: Splendour Of The Deep
In which MR MILLINGTON takes his face underwater, intending to keep it safely dry.
Penkethman Remembered
A tribute to the The Weekly founder- editor.
Sports Weekly
A perfect day for a great day of sport.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
The Tiniest Cricketer Gets His Chance
Hurrah/Bah
"Christ's soupy beard."
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Extendy!
Played chiefly in: Chertsey.
Objective: Be the last player remaining in the game by "extending" it beyond all natural levels of interest and skill. Players can add new rules and goals arbitrarily, directly contradicting earlier ones if they like, with the sole purpose of driving what entertainment value the game may once have possessed deeply into the cold, cold ground and causing everyone else to give up in broken dismay.
Obstacles: Death. A properly run game of Extendy! with a full set of obdurately self-destructive players can run for up to 117 years, and nothing upsets a participant more than another dropping dead before they've officially resigned.
Rating: Not a spectator favourite.
heritage of games archive
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Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
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Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,978.
Living: 8,104.
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Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
A Crisp
My Life Is In Your Hands! Non-Working Brakes For The Faithful
Save-Your-Embarrassment Witness Blinder
No Spasm's Gonna Stop Me! 290-Piece Crockery Set
The Colossal Cow
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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