Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
Nautical Lingo With Captain Ned
Captain Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Ned
Original lingo
captain ned archive
Letters From the Editor
Sir:

A quick trip to my local hospital's magnetic resonance imager in the morning and I know what I have in my pockets all day, more or less.
Arthur Hoatzin
Wren's Nest
letters from the editor archive
State of the Pound
The pound is up a fairly roomy basket of acceptable construction against the barter.
state of the pound archive
1m
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"Christ! What was that?" said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "I'd like to thank all those talented artists we've been waiting for to die."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than its quota of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
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To-day's features
The "Wizard" Getaway Farthing
It's merely on and away.

An exact copy of the electro-mechanical simulation of Britain's weathers built by science for the Met Office.
Millington's Face: I Am Going To Die
In which MR MILLINGTON ends his life on the ocean wave.
Stan Stanislavski: How I Wrote This Column
A writer prepares.
feature archive
Hurrah/Bah
70... 80... 92mph
Hurrah/Bah
"Well, this is going to end badly."
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Stumble-Bumble.
Played chiefly in: Tregurrian.
Objective: Throw the "bee-ball" between a circle of players, who move further apart with each round.
Obstacles: The "bee-ball" is a heavy glass jar filled with bees.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
  
Nautical Lingo With Captain Ned
A packet of crisps, please, and a bottle of washing-up liquid. Captain
Ned
Translated lingo
captain ned archive
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,974.
Living: 8,078.
join the fight
Advertising-announcement
Advertising-announcement
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Let's Not Learn About Death Pre-Killed Pets
Watch That Child! Puncture-Free Ceramic Tyres
Todd's Soup
Frozen Cold
Stop Thief Automatic Fist-Shaker
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Archives
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.
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