The morally instructive determinings of PROFESSOR THAUMUS PHAMBLEMELL
A CORRESPONDENT WRITES: I am secretly arranging a pleasant afternoon's picnic in a sunny meadow with A Gentleman. I am unable to secure cucumbers on account of a death in a family. Is it acceptable to substitute a cucumber with a love-apple?
PROFESSOR PHAMBLEMELL REPLIES: I was under the impression I had told you never to write to me at my place of work.
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
Game: Pinch-Me Punch-You. Played chiefly in: Bude. Objective: A hide-and-seek variation; if the "Pinch-Me" or "Punch-You" players are found, seeker must run back to cree first and shout "No hands, no hands" to avoid physical penalty of pinching or punching. Obstacles: Burning petrol sprayed from circling helicopter. Rating: Rough.
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