Cast Out the Pesky The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
The Weekly will return
Maintaining Britain's Standards
wholly © the weekly science combine
LL Limerick Of Limerick And His Limericks On Laudanum
Ladies! Beware of the chap
Who entreats you to sit on his lap.
It may seem quite gay
In the style of the day
But it ends with you both in a flap.
limerick archive
Letters From the Editor

What kind of casualty departments is this country running? I sign people in, and they come out dead. It's enough to shake your belief in medical science.
Doctor TF Bundy
On call
letters from the editor archive
Confounding Riddles With The Master Of Riddles
I am the Master Of Riddles. Can you untangle my devious glottic knots?
Two brothers we are
Great burdens we bear
We always are bitterly pressed
Yet this I must say
We are full all the day
And empty when we go to rest.

Question: Who are they?
Answer: They are the McMoodle Brothers, who had to step in unexpectedly to take over the family business of McMoodle Quilt-Irons when their father, Strawberry McMoodle, fell into a glockenspiel, and have exhaustingly been fighting a complicated takeover bid from quilt-iron giant Famblasty, Metropops, Ibguzzle and Phlangey for several months, the stress of which has radically altered their metabolisms.
riddle archive
The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.

"If I'd have my way and it'd been set in LA and starred Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks it'd have been five times that by now," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.

MR NASH added: "Gosh. And many of those people are now likely dead."

* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than an equivalence of readers.
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Adventures of Sexton Blake
The Weekly Science Combine accidentally writes a wireless serial of improving thrills for the BBC Light Programme. (Now available in electric record and ethereal versions.)
blake archive
Latest features
Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance.
feature archive
Search The Weekly
Search The Weekly
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To-day's features
Mr Aesop's Just So Fable Stories
Moral tales.
DVD Edition: Mr Bond
A special edition cartoon with commentary.
The Gentrifier
Dispel discourtesy and banish the linguistically slovenly wherever they may be with The Weekly's champion of splendidness.
I've Lived Here All My Life
Motorist, you have chosen wisely.
feature archive
Meeting the Neighbours
"Good lord! (Choke.) The working class!"
hurrah/bah archive
A complete scientific analysis of your name
full profile
I'm working off my shame
This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom.
corner shop
Britain's Heritage of Games
Game: Drudgery!
Played chiefly in: Machrihanish.
Objective: Complete in the shortest time, but with the acutest attention, a series of household chores - vacuuming, washing-up, weeding the garden, tidying the cupboards, ironing clothes, beating rugs, &c.
Obstacles: Tardiness brings a rap across the shoulders from a stick borne by the maid.
Rating: Suspicious.
heritage of games archive
Sub Up
Remain UP-TO-DATE and KEENLY ABREAST with a subscription to BRITAIN'S ADVOCATE OF QUALITIES. You will receive notification by e-mail of forthcoming issues of the magazine which inspires Britons everywhere to forge ahead to a better newness. Alternatively, sub down from the list in weary satiety.
Your Plane Needs You!
Sign up now and keep TRICKY JOHNNY DEADFELLOW in his place. BRITONS, DO YOUR DUTY.
Current scores -
Dead: 5,973.
Living: 8,065.
join the fight
advertising-announcement archive
Further excellent purchases
Thiz Lookz Uzeful
The Croaky-Poky
Garden Mood Swings
I-Spy Guide To Those Clouds That Bear A Marginal Resemblance In The Few Seconds The Perspective Exactly Matches Your Position Of Observation To Things You Were Thinking Of Anyway
Mumbling For Boys
further excellent purchases archive
The Former Colonial Reassure-o-Matic
Former Colonials! Dispel your dizziness and disorientation in a manner traditional to your quaint and amusing hamlet.
Inspect the archives for all that you may have missed while tardy or haemorrhaging.