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Situation: Duelling; having both realised the absurdity of the disagreement; the fragile mortality of one's opponent considered; pistols discharged harmlessly into soil and air.
Attitude: Gentlemanly.
Solution: Clap each other across the shoulders, laughing heartily. Exchange copies of Etiquette Of Common Situations by Mrs Bookery; continue to laugh heartily, swearing friendship and beckoning in seconds until the entire duelling party is shaking hands and laughing heartily to the point where an imaginary observer might reasonably be expected to have withdrawn from the scene; go home for a large breakfast. |
| etiquette archive |
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Bill to Inspire Fear In the House introduced by the Rt Hon Cregulant Brakey (Undetermined), Member for Hobs End.
i. That my honourable friends are insufficiently fearful of me.
ii. Accordingly, I shall be visiting each Rt Hon Gentleman soon with my gliding gait and populous cloak.
(Cries of "Shame," "Brrrr," and, "Jesus.") |
| the bill before the house archive |
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The BRITON'S SCIENCE has shewn that The Weekly, the magazine which strives to maintain Britain's standards, has topped* one million readers since 1871.
"STOP STARING AT ME," said MR MILLINGTON of this mathematically inevitable achievement.
MR NASH added: "I'd like to thank the sun's life-giving rays."
* Though not, of course, in the sense of assassination. The Weekly has had cause to assassinate no more than fifty specially selected readers. |
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Sup from the issue broth with the random ladle. New issue every time, subject to blind unfavouring chance. |
| feature archive |
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| This chap's purchased an OFFICIAL THE WEEKLY T-SHAPED SHIRT and now he's working off his shame at indulging in such wasteful extravagance. You too may display similar penitence, and perhaps press hot coins guiltily into the hands of a stooped clerk for a copy of MR MILLINGTON's improving books Things About Which My Girlfriend And I Have Argued, A Certain Chemistry, Love and Other Near-Death Experiences and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life, by patronising the The Weekly Corner Shop corner shop. Items despatched under plain wrapper, school-boys will be chased from the premises with a broom. |
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Game: Botherball.
Played chiefly in: Bala.
Objective: Iron nerves and an inviolate lackadaisicality are the keys to Botherball, in which balls of increasing size from marbles to bowling-balls are flung at players from a steam-catapault; the winner is the last who can be bothered to move out of the way.
Obstacles: The struggled-for acceptance of peers; the remarkable fragility of unset bones.
Rating: Character-building. |
| heritage of games archive |
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