Beware the Idles' March The Weekly: Maintaining Britain's Standards
Cooee, Loves! With Doris Stokes
It's dead simple, loves. You pretend to be someone real but dead, and I ask a series of questions to deduce your identity. These questions only ever have the answer Yes or No, so it's a game for all the family, except those who have died, as they're on my side already. (We're playing the venerably extinct game Pangolin, in fact, except we're not pretending to be animals.)

The only rule as such is to remember each question affects every subsequent question. If you answer the first question - "Are you a Briton?" - with Yes, then you must be a Briton. To claim later in the game that you're, say, Vincent Van Gogh would be ruinously cheating. If at some point you're asked, for instance, "Do you have a moustache?" and you answer No, then everyone I try to match you with from that point on has no moustache. If you defeat me on the grounds you had a moustache after all, that's not playing the game, that's cheating and ruining it for everybody. (Any player following you would have no chance of guessing your secret identity, as your champion would wrongly be in the "has a moustache" regiment of my army.)

Do you see, love? All you have to do is to pay attention and answer honestly, and we'll have heaps of grand fun, with only the continued existence of the planet at stake.

Finally, if you want to give up and start again, click on my queenly face. I won't dock you any points, so play fair and only use this if you're hopelessly confused.

Important rule change (November 7th, 2002). Cooee, loves! The game's run into a bit of a rut recently, so I've decided to reverse my original decision and allow duplicate entries. This means that the same dead person can pop up in many places, reflecting the different way players interpret certain questions, which should make things more... lively. Hahahahahaha, loves!

Righto, loves! Let's get back to the game!
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